Mom Dragged for Removing Teen Son's Bedroom Door 'Indefinitely'

An overprotective mom has been accused of denying her teenage son the right to privacy after removing the door to his bedroom "indefinitely."

In a post upvoted over 15,000 times on Reddit, a mom of two, writing under the handle u/throwawaysonsdoor explained that the door was initially removed after she broke it down, having grown fearful that something had happened to her son.

Her actions came after she heard a "really loud" crash coming from upstairs. When she knocked on her son's door she got "no answer" and, fearing the worst, decided to take action.

Then, the truth emerged. "The sound was his TV with the volume at the max," she wrote. "He didn't answer me...because he didn't want me bothering his movie."

An argument ensued with the teen demanding she replace the door. However, she told him bluntly she has no plans to do that as the damage was "a consequence of his actions."

While arguments with adolescent offspring would rather be avoided, Dr. Natasha Magson, a research associate at Macquarie University's Centre for Emotional Health in Australia, says they are an entirely normal part of growing up.

"These arguments often come down to your child testing their new ideas, but also testing parental power," she wrote in the academic publication The Lighthouse. "Teenagers are trying to take more control of their lives, be more assertive, and test the boundaries."

But while the son demanding his mom fix the door may have been an example of him trying to "test the boundaries," his mom's response did not result in a positive resolution.

According to the woman, her son "got really mad" and insisted he had a "right" to privacy. However, she refused to back down, telling him that "if he wanted a door he would have to buy it."

Commenting on the fallout, certified parent coach Cindy Shuster who is the founder of Partner In Parenting told Newsweek: "Not returning the door is a mistake and may result in a fractured relationship that cannot be repaired. The initial damage to the door occurred over a misunderstanding. Punishing the son by not replacing the door is unwarranted."

She urged the mother and son to come together and engage in "thoughtful conversation and collaboration" to create a plan all involved are comfortable with.

"The son is not a young child, and as our children approach adulthood, they should be given as much age-appropriate autonomy as possible," Shuster said. "As parents, our job is to have boundaries when needed and if they make sense. In this case, no door at all just does not make sense. The mom should sit down with her son and share her concerns and ask the son what his thoughts are on what could be done differently if a similar situation arises in the future."

She said the mom should make a "concerted effort to really listen to the son's concerns" and create a plan they can both live with.

"It could be as simple as the son texting the mom when he's not going to be able to hear a door knock," Shuster said.

Many on social media concurred with the expert's assessment and criticized the mom for taking her son's door away.

Redditor WaftingThoughts felt the woman should "replace the door, remove the TV from his room."

BotBotzie agreed, commenting: "I totally get how at first glance leaving the door removed seems like a similar punishment, but he is right, having a place he can close off is important. The TV removal is the appropriate punishment for him refusing to open the door for his parents and disrespecting you."

Some like commenter TNG6 felt the mom was right to be angry, though.

"He heard his terrified mother screaming for him over and over and ignored her," they said. "That's the height of disrespect and it is dangerous."

However, most commenters felt that simply removing the television for a period of time was the answer. As Redditor HotPotatoos put it: "He is entitled to his privacy and should always have a door to close, but he lost TV privileges for having it up too loud and not answering you."

Newsweek reached out to u/throwawaysonsdoor for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.

Uncommon Knowledge

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Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.

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